I can think of a million and 1 things I could and maybe should be doing right now. One of them is sleeping, I should be sleeping! Sorry Mom and Andrew that I am writing this, and not sleeping because Josie is sleeping. I just feel like I need to share more, I feel like I need to convince everyone to pray for Josie. I know that you are all praying for her, but there is something as a mama, where you want to beg and plead with people, that they know exactly how precious this little one is to you! I want everyone to feel like this world can't go on without this little bundle of joy, because this mama needs her...I really feel like the world needs Josie!
So here is a bit more on our Josie.... because I can't help but share more about the little 14 lb - 25 1/2 inch baby that has rocked her mama and daddy's world...And we will never be the same!
Most newborns sleep a lot, Josie was born at the same time as a lot of my friends had babies, oddly enough also that most of these friends have had girls...So you can't help but hear, and share stories with each other about their babies, and yours often the stories are about sleeping habits...Josie quickly became a pretty good sleeper at night, but during the days, I would beg with her and try everything for her to take naps, but my little girl would rather be observing the world, or hanging out with mama. I would get frustrated that I couldn't seem to accomplish much during the day, because if she would nap, it would be just a quick cat nap. The past two or three weeks we have more of a rhythm and she is now taking more naps, but overall when it comes to it...She likes to be apart of the action and observe everything that is going on...
Josie LOVES her daddy....and HE loves her...Josie gave her first smile to Andrew, and her first giggle. It is a true gift to see Andrew interact with his baby, and how they light each other up...
Josie has already obtained quite the nicknames...Jose (Like Jode- with an S) is probably what we call her the most, we have also been known to throw out Joster, (thanks Laurie for that one!), Josie Mae, Miss J, J, Jo Jo, precious, sweetheart, and I can think of a few more....but she does have the nicknames, probably not as many as her friend Emma, but we do love calling her with affection.
Josie is active! If you were around to see my belly during pregnancy you would think there were two babies inside! It was the coolest thing to watch her move, and she is still a very active 4 month old baby. She will sit and observe when she is in the arms of someone she knows, but quite often she prefers to be standing, kicking on her play mat, or jumping in her jumparoo. Andrew and I were just commenting on last night that we think she is getting bored with just sitting, it is like she wants to crawl, you put her down, and she uses her legs to try to move, even though she is going no where!
Also her new thing is grabbing, and kissing...Yesterday she was grabbing her Grandma Bolmans cheeks, and literally opening her mouth to kiss my mom! I wear the cross necklace that Andrew made me everyday, and everyday I am thankful that it is still in tact at the end of the day. When she gets a bottle she likes to hold it herself, when I tried pulling it away from her yesterday, I honestly could not do it, without exhibiting a bit of force, this girl is strong! And she is going to need to be!!!
I am sure each day I will think of more things that I want to share with people about the little girl who has rocked my world...and so many other peoples world. I plead with God, that He will protect her, that she will be able to rock so many more peoples worlds, with her smile, and her personality, that I am positive she is going to shine to the world...
We love you Josie Mae....even when there is sleepless nights...and never ending dirty diapers ...
You are an absolute gift!!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
A long 48 hours..
It is amazing all the emotions that one can go through in 48 hours...
Monday Morning: I was feeling great, I always feel a little rushed to get out the door with a baby...and trying to have my stuff put together. But, I did it...My mom graciously offered to go to the appt with me on Monday morning, we really thought it was going to be nothing, but Josie always seems to require multiple outfit changes when we go to the doctor (not sure what that is about) so I was grateful for the help.
Mid Monday Morning: Josie is a trooper, going through the first tests with no complaints, playing with Sophie the Giraffe, the Doctor comes in listens to Josie's hearts, shares that he hears the Heart Murmur that she was sent her for, but believes that it is just a minor murmur, but suggested that while we were there, we should get an ultrasound done on her heart...So we sign some more papers, and are taken into a ultrasound room, where Josie lays on a warm blanket, and I try to distract her for the next 30 minutes, while the ultrasound is completed. My mom called Andrew before his break was done at 12:30 to let him know that we are still in the midst of testing, but that we would call him at his next break. I knew in my heart that the Doctor/Tech had found something...You could just see it in the way, they acted. At 12:35, Josie had enough! She was hungry, and tired..and started crying. The Doctor understood, and called quits on the tests. The doctor left the room, and allowed for me to dress Josie and feed her, in a matter of 15 minutes she was our happy baby again...
So when the Doctor returned to the room, he shared with us that Josie has a rare heart defect...he shared more about it, but then he says, in order to repair it, it will require open heart surgery...My my eyes flood with tears, I look over at my mom who is bouncing Josie in her arms..and I am in shock, how is my perfect baby not perfect! For the next 20 minutes, I have no idea what the Doctor is saying, I think I took Josie back into my arms, while my mom wrote some notes, and hugged her..
My mom and I had huge plans to hit up the Qdoba in the children's hospital after the appt, but when we walked out of the room, I was thankful that I was still walking...We drove home, and sat, I could not get a hold of Andrew on his cell phone until 2:30, and I was not going to have him paged from the office, because that we cause him to alarm more than he needed to, so my mom and I sat and waited..Josie slept in her room, and we stared at the walls.
2;30 came, and I called Andrew...I said, I am not sure you want to hear the news over the phone, so he left work immediately...We met at the door of our house...and fell into each others arms..It is moments like those, when you are so thankful that you know God has brought you the most perfect teammate to navigate life with..
The rest of the night was spent sharing with our family, and loving on Josie.
Monday night we really did not sleep..Josie either, and when Andrew woke at 5:00 am for work, he found me lying next to Josie's crib, wrapped in her blanket. I crawled back in our bed only to feel like I needed prayers, and that is when I wrote and shared with friends...
Tuesday the heart doctor called back to say that the ultra sound with sedation for Josie is scheduled on March 11, when I was on the phone I asked the nurse if the Doctor could call my husband and explain Josie's situation since I was too emotional to take it all in, she said the Doc would do even better, and was willing to meet with us last night.
I do not know how Andrew got through the day at work, Andrew is amazing like that...He is stronger than I can dream of being...I spent the day at Sara's (sister -in-law) thanks for the lunch, and couch to sleep/cry on... I picked Andrew up at work ,and we headed to the doctors office....Dr. Schneider met and talked with us over 40 minutes. He shared that the defect of Josie is not the rare thing, it is the location of the defect. We talked surgery options, and he really believed it was in our best interest to stay in GR. He shared that there are 8 pediatric heart surgeons in the state of Michigan, and Dr. Marcus Haw is #2 in experience. The #1 doc is in Ann Arbor, but he probably would not even perform the surgery, he would have a student do it, while he observed since this is not such a complicated surgery, it is just a rare spot. We shared with him our concerns, he heard our hearts, and both Andrew and I walked out of there feeling pretty confident.
Details:
*March 11 is Josie's ultra sound with sedation, she has to be without food for 8 hours, for my peanut, this is going to be hard! Pray for her already, that her midnight feeding that night, will allow her to last until after the appt. We need to pray for a miracle here!
*Surgery will most likely take place in late March / April. The doc did not believe that there were any advantages in waiting.
*The part of surgery of repairing the defect will take roughly 90 minutes, but the whole process of it, will take a whole morning + a bit more..
*Josie will be in the hospital for aprox. 1 week.
*Josie started her heart medication yesterday, and she took it like a trooper!
*We need to keep Josie healthy for surgery, so we probably will not be out and about much with her.
I can write this today, with only a few tears, which I believe accounts for the prayers, that are being spoken on our behalf...Thank you..
Yesterday, we received a lot of love, some of the words, that were spoken over us...
"God is stronger than all our fears and hurt"
"Josie is a warrior, she is going to live an amazing life, and be a stronger person"
"I have put Josie's picture on my desktop, to remind me to pray for her.."
"Lord, Allow Sarah and Andrew to trust you more, than fear the situation that faces them..."
"I have complete Faith that God will heal Josie"
"I am storming Heaven's gates in prayer for you!"
"My way is better than yours. Don't try to figure out what is happening. Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good. "
_____________
**Francesca Battistelli- Strangely Dom
(a portion of the lyrics)
"I don’t know I don’t know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You’re holding it all
So no matter what may come
I’m gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
‘Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I’m gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I’m in
Grows strangely dim
Thank you for these words, and many of the other words and prayers that you have shared, we feel them. I believe it was your prayers, that allowed for Andrew and I to sleep last night.
Please continue to pray for:
*March 11
*Wisdom of the Doctors, the doctors are going to consult on Josie's case together, I left them a picture yesterday of our little girl, I needed all the doctors to have Josie's face in front of them, when they are making big decisions, I needed them to see the face of my daughter, the warrior!
*Sleep
*Insurance dialogue...I am going to make sure to put these Social Workers to work at DeVos :) In helping me navigate the medical system which I know little about..
If you care to do so, Josie has an e-mail address :) josiesobel@gmail.com / feel free to e-mail yours prayers to her, so that one day when she is big and strong, she will be able to read them. And know what an impact that the prayers were to her healing..
Okay, this is a really long post, but I think the writing of it, has already brought me some healing...
Love,
Sarah (Josie's proud Mama)
Monday Morning: I was feeling great, I always feel a little rushed to get out the door with a baby...and trying to have my stuff put together. But, I did it...My mom graciously offered to go to the appt with me on Monday morning, we really thought it was going to be nothing, but Josie always seems to require multiple outfit changes when we go to the doctor (not sure what that is about) so I was grateful for the help.
Mid Monday Morning: Josie is a trooper, going through the first tests with no complaints, playing with Sophie the Giraffe, the Doctor comes in listens to Josie's hearts, shares that he hears the Heart Murmur that she was sent her for, but believes that it is just a minor murmur, but suggested that while we were there, we should get an ultrasound done on her heart...So we sign some more papers, and are taken into a ultrasound room, where Josie lays on a warm blanket, and I try to distract her for the next 30 minutes, while the ultrasound is completed. My mom called Andrew before his break was done at 12:30 to let him know that we are still in the midst of testing, but that we would call him at his next break. I knew in my heart that the Doctor/Tech had found something...You could just see it in the way, they acted. At 12:35, Josie had enough! She was hungry, and tired..and started crying. The Doctor understood, and called quits on the tests. The doctor left the room, and allowed for me to dress Josie and feed her, in a matter of 15 minutes she was our happy baby again...
So when the Doctor returned to the room, he shared with us that Josie has a rare heart defect...he shared more about it, but then he says, in order to repair it, it will require open heart surgery...My my eyes flood with tears, I look over at my mom who is bouncing Josie in her arms..and I am in shock, how is my perfect baby not perfect! For the next 20 minutes, I have no idea what the Doctor is saying, I think I took Josie back into my arms, while my mom wrote some notes, and hugged her..
My mom and I had huge plans to hit up the Qdoba in the children's hospital after the appt, but when we walked out of the room, I was thankful that I was still walking...We drove home, and sat, I could not get a hold of Andrew on his cell phone until 2:30, and I was not going to have him paged from the office, because that we cause him to alarm more than he needed to, so my mom and I sat and waited..Josie slept in her room, and we stared at the walls.
2;30 came, and I called Andrew...I said, I am not sure you want to hear the news over the phone, so he left work immediately...We met at the door of our house...and fell into each others arms..It is moments like those, when you are so thankful that you know God has brought you the most perfect teammate to navigate life with..
The rest of the night was spent sharing with our family, and loving on Josie.
Monday night we really did not sleep..Josie either, and when Andrew woke at 5:00 am for work, he found me lying next to Josie's crib, wrapped in her blanket. I crawled back in our bed only to feel like I needed prayers, and that is when I wrote and shared with friends...
Tuesday the heart doctor called back to say that the ultra sound with sedation for Josie is scheduled on March 11, when I was on the phone I asked the nurse if the Doctor could call my husband and explain Josie's situation since I was too emotional to take it all in, she said the Doc would do even better, and was willing to meet with us last night.
I do not know how Andrew got through the day at work, Andrew is amazing like that...He is stronger than I can dream of being...I spent the day at Sara's (sister -in-law) thanks for the lunch, and couch to sleep/cry on... I picked Andrew up at work ,and we headed to the doctors office....Dr. Schneider met and talked with us over 40 minutes. He shared that the defect of Josie is not the rare thing, it is the location of the defect. We talked surgery options, and he really believed it was in our best interest to stay in GR. He shared that there are 8 pediatric heart surgeons in the state of Michigan, and Dr. Marcus Haw is #2 in experience. The #1 doc is in Ann Arbor, but he probably would not even perform the surgery, he would have a student do it, while he observed since this is not such a complicated surgery, it is just a rare spot. We shared with him our concerns, he heard our hearts, and both Andrew and I walked out of there feeling pretty confident.
Details:
*March 11 is Josie's ultra sound with sedation, she has to be without food for 8 hours, for my peanut, this is going to be hard! Pray for her already, that her midnight feeding that night, will allow her to last until after the appt. We need to pray for a miracle here!
*Surgery will most likely take place in late March / April. The doc did not believe that there were any advantages in waiting.
*The part of surgery of repairing the defect will take roughly 90 minutes, but the whole process of it, will take a whole morning + a bit more..
*Josie will be in the hospital for aprox. 1 week.
*Josie started her heart medication yesterday, and she took it like a trooper!
*We need to keep Josie healthy for surgery, so we probably will not be out and about much with her.
I can write this today, with only a few tears, which I believe accounts for the prayers, that are being spoken on our behalf...Thank you..
Yesterday, we received a lot of love, some of the words, that were spoken over us...
"God is stronger than all our fears and hurt"
"Josie is a warrior, she is going to live an amazing life, and be a stronger person"
"I have put Josie's picture on my desktop, to remind me to pray for her.."
"Lord, Allow Sarah and Andrew to trust you more, than fear the situation that faces them..."
"I have complete Faith that God will heal Josie"
"I am storming Heaven's gates in prayer for you!"
"My way is better than yours. Don't try to figure out what is happening. Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good. "
_____________
**Francesca Battistelli- Strangely Dom
(a portion of the lyrics)
"I don’t know I don’t know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You’re holding it all
So no matter what may come
I’m gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
‘Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I’m gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I’m in
Grows strangely dim
Thank you for these words, and many of the other words and prayers that you have shared, we feel them. I believe it was your prayers, that allowed for Andrew and I to sleep last night.
Please continue to pray for:
*March 11
*Wisdom of the Doctors, the doctors are going to consult on Josie's case together, I left them a picture yesterday of our little girl, I needed all the doctors to have Josie's face in front of them, when they are making big decisions, I needed them to see the face of my daughter, the warrior!
*Sleep
*Insurance dialogue...I am going to make sure to put these Social Workers to work at DeVos :) In helping me navigate the medical system which I know little about..
If you care to do so, Josie has an e-mail address :) josiesobel@gmail.com / feel free to e-mail yours prayers to her, so that one day when she is big and strong, she will be able to read them. And know what an impact that the prayers were to her healing..
Okay, this is a really long post, but I think the writing of it, has already brought me some healing...
Love,
Sarah (Josie's proud Mama)
"We raise our white flag, we surrender, all to you, all to you,
Lord...."
Lord...."
I first heard this song on a friends facebook page (Thanks Kel) last
week, and we sang it in church on Sunday, and I think it is going to
be my theme song for the year....
On Monday we went to get Josie's innocent heart murmur checked out,
well at least we thought it was just a innocent heart murmur....But,
in all reality...Our precious little one, has a rare heart defect (so
rare that this is the first time the cardiologist has seen it in his
20 years of practice).The defect is correctable, but correctable
probably only by surgery... the doctor believes it is going to require
Josie to under go open heart surgery before the summer.
I do not even know what more to type, last night I spent the night
sleeping next to the Joster bed, praying that when I would wake up,
this would just be a bad dream, but its not....
Our next steps..
1. they took an ultra sound of Josie's heart, and she did great for
about 30 minutes ,but are not sure if the images that received were
adequate, so we might have to have her sedated for another ultrasound,
we will know that this week.
2. We start Josie on a medication, because her heart is enlarged
because of the defect. The medication, is supposed to manage the
enlargement.
3. We will meet with a surgeon at DeVos to see if he is able to
conduct the surgery, and to see what our level of confidence is in
him.....He was recruited by DeVos this last year from England, but we
still want the very best for our Josie, so we might need to travel to
Ann Arbor, or Detroit for the surgery. I just need to know that this
Dr. has done a few surgeries like Josie's before, even though it is so
rare....
The Cardiologist reinforced yesterday that this is correctable, and
very likely after this is repaired, Josie will go on to live a
productive life...But, does not take away the fact that I am scared to
death that my baby, is going to have to have major extensive surgery,
where I have to put her life in the hands of a team of surgeons, for a
long enduring surgery....
I will probably start a blog, just so people have a place to go to get
the post up to date info, but right now...We are trying to be strong.
When Josie woke up in the middle of the night last night, I was so
thankful, for the extra time that I had to hug her and love on her, I
was crying, and she just was laughing, and giggling at me, not what
she usually does for her middle of the night feedings, but I think she
just needed her mama to know, that she is going to be alright...
I have attached part of the write that I wrote about Josie's name
after her birth, one of my co-workers that I greatly admire from
Bethany(Love you Dena!) told me about the importance and the power of the name you
place on your child, Andrew and I thought long and hard about Josie's
name and her meaning....I find it quite a sign from God, that Josie's
name means that HE will enlarge the world...Her heart is enlarged
now, but my hope is that GOD will enlarge the capacity of others to
love God, when they see the miracle that the doctors with God's help
are going to perform on Josie, to heal her, so that by her first
birthday she will be running around ..........................Oh Lord,
I pray! Hear my cry!
By life, I am usually such a communicator, but when hard news comes my
way, I often just need time to process, so feel free to call, e-mail,
or text, but please know that right now, I am learning to deal with
the news....
Please pray for us. and pray that we can sleep this week, pray that we
have wisdom with where we will have the surgery performed, and pray
that Andrew and I can be strong for each other.....
Love,
Sarah (for Andrew and Josie too)
__________________________
To share more about our little princess' name, Josie is a Hebrew name
that comes from Josephine, Josie's name means, "He will enlarge". The
meaning of Josie's name can be interpreted in many different ways.
When we think about her name, we think of passages such as , 1
Chronicles 4:10,where Jabez asks to increase his impact and his
territory. Our hope is that Josie will reach beyond herself to share
God's message, and that God will bring her wherever he needs to so
that she can be that message. As many of you know, Josie was a name
that Andrew and I picked before we were even pregnant, it was a name
for both of us that shared its own significance. When I studied
abroad in Dominican Republic (2003), my host sister's name is Josie.
Josie was (is) one of the most incredible giving person that I ever
met. Our friendship in that short 4 months has impacted my life. My
older host "sister" Ivonne named her little girl, Sarah after me, and
it was always talked about if I had a girl, I would name her Josie to
honor Josie, I always hoped, but was never sure that whoever I married
would be on board with the name. Andrew, first heard the name Josie
from the movie, The Outlaws of Josey Wales, starring Clint Eastwood,
as a big time Clint fan, Andrew has always loved the name Josie!
Mae is a bit of a family tradition. My mom is Lois Mae after her
aunt, I am Sarah Mae after my mom, and now Josie Mae, is Josie Mae
after 3 generations of women. It brings us such joy to be able to have
Josie share the name Mae with her great great aunt Edith, but also my
mom. If there is one thing that I have learned through the 40 weeks of
pregnancy I have learned just a bit about the sacrifices that our
parents, but especially our moms have made for their children from the
minute they take the pregnancy test. Mom, I hope that Josie will learn
the importance of enlarging her world to share God's love, like you
have, and my host sister Josie has done..
week, and we sang it in church on Sunday, and I think it is going to
be my theme song for the year....
On Monday we went to get Josie's innocent heart murmur checked out,
well at least we thought it was just a innocent heart murmur....But,
in all reality...Our precious little one, has a rare heart defect (so
rare that this is the first time the cardiologist has seen it in his
20 years of practice).The defect is correctable, but correctable
probably only by surgery... the doctor believes it is going to require
Josie to under go open heart surgery before the summer.
I do not even know what more to type, last night I spent the night
sleeping next to the Joster bed, praying that when I would wake up,
this would just be a bad dream, but its not....
Our next steps..
1. they took an ultra sound of Josie's heart, and she did great for
about 30 minutes ,but are not sure if the images that received were
adequate, so we might have to have her sedated for another ultrasound,
we will know that this week.
2. We start Josie on a medication, because her heart is enlarged
because of the defect. The medication, is supposed to manage the
enlargement.
3. We will meet with a surgeon at DeVos to see if he is able to
conduct the surgery, and to see what our level of confidence is in
him.....He was recruited by DeVos this last year from England, but we
still want the very best for our Josie, so we might need to travel to
Ann Arbor, or Detroit for the surgery. I just need to know that this
Dr. has done a few surgeries like Josie's before, even though it is so
rare....
The Cardiologist reinforced yesterday that this is correctable, and
very likely after this is repaired, Josie will go on to live a
productive life...But, does not take away the fact that I am scared to
death that my baby, is going to have to have major extensive surgery,
where I have to put her life in the hands of a team of surgeons, for a
long enduring surgery....
I will probably start a blog, just so people have a place to go to get
the post up to date info, but right now...We are trying to be strong.
When Josie woke up in the middle of the night last night, I was so
thankful, for the extra time that I had to hug her and love on her, I
was crying, and she just was laughing, and giggling at me, not what
she usually does for her middle of the night feedings, but I think she
just needed her mama to know, that she is going to be alright...
I have attached part of the write that I wrote about Josie's name
after her birth, one of my co-workers that I greatly admire from
Bethany(Love you Dena!) told me about the importance and the power of the name you
place on your child, Andrew and I thought long and hard about Josie's
name and her meaning....I find it quite a sign from God, that Josie's
name means that HE will enlarge the world...Her heart is enlarged
now, but my hope is that GOD will enlarge the capacity of others to
love God, when they see the miracle that the doctors with God's help
are going to perform on Josie, to heal her, so that by her first
birthday she will be running around ..........................Oh Lord,
I pray! Hear my cry!
By life, I am usually such a communicator, but when hard news comes my
way, I often just need time to process, so feel free to call, e-mail,
or text, but please know that right now, I am learning to deal with
the news....
Please pray for us. and pray that we can sleep this week, pray that we
have wisdom with where we will have the surgery performed, and pray
that Andrew and I can be strong for each other.....
Love,
Sarah (for Andrew and Josie too)
__________________________
To share more about our little princess' name, Josie is a Hebrew name
that comes from Josephine, Josie's name means, "He will enlarge". The
meaning of Josie's name can be interpreted in many different ways.
When we think about her name, we think of passages such as , 1
Chronicles 4:10,where Jabez asks to increase his impact and his
territory. Our hope is that Josie will reach beyond herself to share
God's message, and that God will bring her wherever he needs to so
that she can be that message. As many of you know, Josie was a name
that Andrew and I picked before we were even pregnant, it was a name
for both of us that shared its own significance. When I studied
abroad in Dominican Republic (2003), my host sister's name is Josie.
Josie was (is) one of the most incredible giving person that I ever
met. Our friendship in that short 4 months has impacted my life. My
older host "sister" Ivonne named her little girl, Sarah after me, and
it was always talked about if I had a girl, I would name her Josie to
honor Josie, I always hoped, but was never sure that whoever I married
would be on board with the name. Andrew, first heard the name Josie
from the movie, The Outlaws of Josey Wales, starring Clint Eastwood,
as a big time Clint fan, Andrew has always loved the name Josie!
Mae is a bit of a family tradition. My mom is Lois Mae after her
aunt, I am Sarah Mae after my mom, and now Josie Mae, is Josie Mae
after 3 generations of women. It brings us such joy to be able to have
Josie share the name Mae with her great great aunt Edith, but also my
mom. If there is one thing that I have learned through the 40 weeks of
pregnancy I have learned just a bit about the sacrifices that our
parents, but especially our moms have made for their children from the
minute they take the pregnancy test. Mom, I hope that Josie will learn
the importance of enlarging her world to share God's love, like you
have, and my host sister Josie has done..
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